When It Rains
by Reckless Dreamer Yuna
Summary: He couldn't stand to look at her anymore, and she couldn't blame him. Who wanted to deal with her face every day? Her stupid face that was just a reminder of the love that he'd lost. She had to get far, far away and never look back. But things never work out the way Kagome wants them to. One-shot. InuKag. Rated T for language, mostly.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or When It Rains by Paramore.**

_And when it rains, on this side of town it touches everything,_

_Just say it again and mean it,_

_We don't miss a thing._

The rain was a beautiful thing. It made her feel so depressed in the most lovely way.

The group was off somewhere. He wasn't with them. He was in her heart and he was in her head, but he wasn't with _any _of them emotionally or physically. He was with himself, drowning himself in the pain he felt.

She wished that she knew how he felt, but she had been young when her father died. She remembered him telling her stories about love and making her believe that she was beautiful, making her believe in dreams, but she grew up strong because she was taught how to, and she was too young to experience true grief. And when he had died, she had been too young to understand what death really meant. But Inuyasha, he felt grief. And she couldn't relate, so she didn't bother.

_You made yourself a bed at the bottom of the blackest hole,_

_And convinced yourself that,_

_It's not the reason you don't see the sun anymore._

'_Inuyasha,'_ she was thinking to herself now, her heart suddenly aching as she wished it would've been any other body part. She'd rather be injured by any of the demons they'd faced along this heart-breaking experience rather than to feel that dull aching in her chest. '_Inuyasha, did you really love her that much?'_

Her knees were drawn up to her chest so her head could rest on them as she stared at the sky that seemed to mirror her mood. She almost laughed at herself. Of course he loved her that much. The woman was gorgeous and graceful, so delicate. She had never seen a woman like her before, and there was no organ in her body that could hold all of the envy or _loneliness _she felt just from looking at the pretty face whenever she came around to show herself, making his breathing labor and his heart speed with such ferocity that she wished he held for her and only her. She could _feel _the things that he'd never admit.

She didn't know where he was. But whatever he was doing, she hoped that he was okay. She hoped that when he returned, he would hide his pain well. She'd rather put up with his snide remarks and comments rather than see him in true pain, just because she loved him that much.

It wasn't a surprise. She accepted that fact and she was sure he knew that she loved him a lot. In all possible ways that he could imagine.

He was probably somewhere far away. When he didn't want to be found, he'd make it so that he wouldn't, because that was just how he was. Sometimes, he was a child. Especially when he argued with Shippo over dinner or the funny little things that the red-headed fox demon said. He was a child when he forced her to stay in this damned time, but she had to go back. This place was not made for her, it wasn't set out for her. He was a child when he looked at her and Kouga in rage as the wolf gave her love that Inuyasha could not offer. He was a boy most of the time.

But other times, he was a _man_. He was a man when she was hurt and he took care of her injuries. He was a man when he was protecting her from the selfish creatures that were in his time. And he was a man when he talked about the jewel shards and when he got that determined look on his features whenever she announced that there was a jewel shard nearby.

The jewel shards.

She looked down at the small glass container of them. They were so small, but yet, they had caused so much trouble. And if she had never discovered the well and freed Inuyasha and shot the jewel with an arrow, scattering them into so many small pieces that caused so much big trouble, then maybe she'd have the strength to go on for at least one more day. But she didn't want to. She was _tired _and her emotional health had seemed to just _wither _away as night began to fall on them, silent as a shadow.

But Inuyasha, he never tired. That was until now.

It was selfish to be angry with him. It would be wrong. So instead, she sat there, _hurt_.

Tears fell down the milky complexion of her smooth skin, leaving streaks upon her flushed cheeks. She would be sick, she was sure of it. Inuyasha would put up a fuss about that, but right now, _nothing mattered_. She was used to the salty taste in her mouth, used to the salty taste on her lips. Inuyasha needed to be _alone_, and there was nothing she could do. She contemplated on going back to her time and staying there for good. But what would she tell him when he argued with her when he discovered her plans? She couldn't say that _she _would be around to help him find the jewel shards. In a way, she wanted to believe that she was all he had left. But she was never his, and he was never hers.

She could sense him before she felt him. She didn't bother her tears and she didn't bother fixing her pained expression. His hand was on her shoulder, but she refused to look at him.

_And no, oh, how could you do it?_

_Oh, I, I never saw it coming,_

_No, oh, I need an ending, so why can't you stay just long enough to explain?_

She wanted him to _trust _her. She wanted to make him feel better. But she didn't know how. And she thought he needed time. She was taking up his breathing space, because she knew that he must've already felt like he was suffocating. So she stood to her feet, giving him a half-ass sorry before she began to walk away unceremoniously. She was so _selfish_.

Her hair was damp with rain, as her clothes. She didn't sneak a glance of him as she began to walk away, but she knew that by the way the weather seemed to be combining with both of their moods, he should have been wet, too.

His hand was warm on hers and she froze when he turned her to meet his eyes. Her heart broke more at the sight of him, and she tried to break free. All she _wanted_ was peace. All he _needed _was peace. And his ex-lover, she _had _her peace.

As if he was God, the rain stopped the moment he looked at each other. Inuyasha got straight to business. "Kagome," hearing his voice nearly made her boneless. But instead, something that was painful in a way she couldn't say twisted in her stomach and rose up her throat, making her want to choke out a sob. But instead, she held her breath as a tear slipped from her eye. The sight of her pain. She was on full display for him as he was for her. The feeling in her stomach was enough to make her fall to her knees. "What're you doing out here in the rain?"

He wasn't fooling her with that damned voice of his. It was all a show he was putting on to hide what he felt. Giving him a soft smile, she gently tugged her hand away. She would not be rough. She would not be selfish. And if love beat her to a pulp and killed her inside, she would take all of it for _him_. "Inuyasha," she spoke again, her voice as soft as it had ever been with him. Gods, how she wished she could help him. How she wanted to be the one that took the pain away. "I'm so sorry."

Soon, all of this would be over. She would go back to her time and finally find a man who loved her. She would marry with him and have his children and she wouldn't think about the horrible things she had been through in Inuyasha's time. The nightmares that she had been having for the past two weeks of Inuyasha holding a dead Kikyo in his arms and as crushed as he'd ever been, they would all stop. She would let the pain go, let the hurt go. She would make her life what she wanted it to be and she would be happy.

"Kagome," there was the voice that broke her heart again. But she liked it. It had more pain in it. It made him sound stronger. She wanted to continue walking on and leave him, but that would make her very selfish. And if he wanted her to stay by his side, then she would. His voice was gruff and he was glaring. There was so much pain in those eyes. She wanted to go away for good. "Where're you going?"

Despite the look he gave her, she still held a soft, melancholy smile on her face. She took a deep breath and said, "You need space. I think all of us do," she kicked at a rock. It was just them in this small clearing in the forest. Just them and all of this _pain_. She could feel it radiating off of him in waves, icy cold and burning at the same time. He was dying just as she. Her eyes met his again, tears rolling. "Listen, Inuyasha. You know I'm sorry. You know that. I think that I should give you some space, though. I think I need it, too."

He looked at her funny. His posture was weak, his ears flat. He was so tired and worn, and she couldn't keep doing this. She was the reason he had to keep himself strong. She didn't like that. She needed to leave and never come back and take the selfish way out. Such a coward she was. But did he know? He had to by now. He had to know how much she loved him and how hurt she was. But she wasn't selfish in all ways. She wasn't cheering over Kikyo's fate. She was just as hurt as he was. He had lost someone he loved. And Kagome lost Inuyasha more and more everyday. _'I can't do this anymore.'_

He didn't say anything for a while. And then, suddenly, he walked up to her, grabbing her by her shoulders and pushing her down to the dirt softly, gently. Innocuously. And when she was down, looking dazed, he sat himself down beside of her.

Would he tell her what he was feeling? Would he finally understand?

"Kagome," he said again. "You understand, don't you?" he sighed as he explained these things to her. "I _do _need time. I don't need you here. I don't want you here," it burned. _'I need you.' "_I…I need to do this alone."

She was thinking selfishly again. "Then let me leave."

He looked at her sharply. He was so stupid for thinking he could disguise his pain so easily. She was getting angry with him and this was not intended. "I wanted to help you, but what can I do?" She asked him, expecting an answer.

"Which is exactly why I need to deal with this alone," he sighed, his voice broken.

_And when it rains,_

_Will you always find an escape?_

_Just running away, from all of the ones who love you, from everything._

"Inuyasha, I tried to leave. This is exactly what I've been doing. I've been staying out of your way, but do you think that helps? You can't do this by yourself." She looked at him seriously. "When I said I'd stay by your side no matter what, I meant it."

"You tried to leave and I tried to explain before you walked away angry with me, Kagome!" he stood then, his voice frustrated. He jerked her to her feet and she glared at him. It was just the two of him. When he was like this, Kagome was scared. But she wasn't. Not this time. He had taken a part of her that felt fear at the moment. All she felt was the pain because she was _right_. He didn't want her here and she had never belonged here. But she would fight, because she would only live once. She wasn't afraid of dying, but she was tired of being so afraid to _live_.

She let out a cold chuckle, jerking her hand away from his. His eyes, they melted her, but she remained strong. "Inuyasha," she was _trying_. Trying so hard to keep a quiet heart. Didn't that count for something? And she could tell that her unusual reactions scared him, maybe even made him feel helpless. Her exterior was mellow but she was torn up on the inside and she would not worry him with that. "How could I be angry with you?"

He was hurt and he needed to take it out on someone. She was the only one available, and she'd let him because she _understood _him. At least, she liked to think she did. But not like this. She couldn't understand anything while she was like this and she wanted out of his world so badly.

"I need to leave." She muttered, her expression stoic and her tears dried although new ones were threatening to fall. "Inuyasha, I _really _need to go."

It had been just three weeks. She didn't feel any different. They had said she got the rest of her soul back. Then why had she felt like she'd just lost even more of it?

The stars would be out soon. In the morning, she could leave and forget all about this quest and leave Inuyasha alone, just as he wanted to be. Then everything would be better, considering that Kikyo was her look-alike, considering that she was nothing but a reincarnation and someone who didn't mean much. She pulled the shards out of her pocket again, looking at them with hate in her eyes. He watched her with mild concern.

Sango, Miroku, Shippo, and Kilala were probably out somewhere under the crackling of a warm fire, wondering where Inuyasha was, wondering where she was. She wanted to go back. She wanted to throw the shards at him, she wanted him to become a full demon if that was the only thing that would make him happy since she died, if that was the only thing that could make him feel like a _man_. Inuyasha…he didn't want her here. He didn't want a reminder of what he'd lost. She hated herself for that.

She was still glaring at the shards, wishing that they'd never happened. That all of this had never happened. She hated Naraku mostly for taking away Inuyasha's only chance at being happy. That was all she wanted. For him to be happy. And if that meant her leaving for good, then so be it.

"What're you doing?" he questioned, his voice venomous as he walked a little closer to her.

"Can you handle me anymore, Inuyasha? Am I too much of a reminder?" she nearly fell to her knees. "I can always go for good if you need that. If that hurts you, I hope you know that I'd never deliberately try to do that. But if it makes you happy, I can _go_. You won't have to look at my face and remember…_her_…anymore."

He growled, low and rumbling and fierce. "You don't understand, bitch. Nobody said anything about you leaving forever. I need space, Kagome. I-I…I need to-"

Another blow to the heart. "You need to heal, huh?" she didn't want to go anywhere yet, she wanted the truth, so she stood there looking at him awkwardly. "I wish I could sympathize with you. I wish I could, Inuyasha. And you're right, I don't understand. I wish I could do that, too. I wish I could take back everything. Because you wouldn't be going through the pain that you are right now and I wouldn't be hurting just as much as you are, either."

"Kagome-" Oh, he was breaking her heart. He made things that should have been simple so complicated. He didn't love her. Kagome was not stupid. She had got that through her mind and even though she knew for a fact she loved him, she was the kind of girl to pack up, move on, and get it together when her feelings were unrequited. But he made it so hard. He made everything hard. When you loved, it was supposed to be easy. He made loving hard and she didn't blame him for anything.

He hid emotions so well. But she could see that he was broken and there was nothing she could do because he _truly _had loved her. He was hurting himself more. He was pushing her away. He was hurting them _both_. Even if she wasn't much to him, she had to be something.

Goodbyes were hard.

"Inuyasha," she started.

_You made yourself a bed at the bottom of the blackest hole,_

_And you'll sleep till May,_

_And you'll say that you don't want to see the sun anymore._

But she stopped as soon as she started. She stood there absolutely speechless, hands limp against her sides and her eyes full of emotion as she felt herself fall apart and _watched _as he fell apart, as he became undone. Mama used to always tell her the best way to learn how something was made was to watch it as it fell apart. And from her point of view, she couldn't see much.

She stepped forward, suddenly curious. Saying goodbye was hard, so she'd rather say nothing at all. She fell to pieces because she felt what he felt, and for the first time in her life, she decided to test out her Mama's theory.

He was composed of pain. Of self-doubt and self-destruction, and because of that self-destruction, he felt like he destroyed everything he touched. He was composed of all the love in the world, his eyes composed of the sun. His heart was composed of pain, too, maybe joy on a good day, and it was constantly being pulled on strings.

She brushed a thumb over his cheek, feeling the wetness of a single tear that had fell from one sunlit eye.

He carried the weight of the world on his shoulders, and sometimes, his bones collapsed under the crushing of all the lives he wasn't living, of all the lives he had to save everyday. She had fallen in love so slowly and surely. She fell in love with his eyelashes, the sun in his eyes, the playfulness of his spirit. Slowly, but surely and definitely.

Her hand moved on down, her thumb brushing across his lower lip this time, and his eyes closed, pain crushing what was left of him; but she did not pull away. He needed to know these things. He needed to know that she loved him to hell and back. He needed to know that at least _someone _loved him.

Softness. She thought of his soul. She thought of his arms around her, she thought of the texture of his hair, and then she thought of the roughness of his fire-rat. She thought about his voice soft when he showed true compassion, she thought of roughness whenever he was angry with her or anyone else or even himself.

For the first time, she figured out Mama's theory. Mama was absolutely right. Mama was unbelievably right. She closed her eyes, refusing to let a choked sob escape her lips.

"Wench," Inuyasha started. His voice was soft and slightly choked and she thought of compassion.

She wouldn't be just another thing to make him sad, so she looked up at him and smiled. "I love you."

That was all she could mutter. She had showed him this before, but she'd never told him. And before she knew it, her lips were pressed against his soft ones, and just as quickly, the warmth of her lips was gone from his and she had taken his breath so gracefully and he wanted that breath she was holding _back_. But instead, he watched with his mouth agape, still surprised from the quick, soft kiss, and from the way she closed her eyes so her eyelashes damn near touched her cheekbones, tears falling from her eyes.

Saying goodbye was hard. She didn't want to say anything at all.

"Kagome," and that was all he could say. He could never say it back. Never.

"I'm in love with you," she told him with all of the honesty in the world. "I'm in love with you, and I know that this place is not for me. I know I am in no position to love you. I know that this means close to nothing now, and I know I should have told you as soon as it started to hurt, because when it hurts, you know it's love. And I know that this mission will fade away just like our friends and just like the words I never spoke to you, just like the ache in my chest. And I know that I am incredibly selfish and in the end when I die, even my particles will still long for you, and I know I'm incredibly bitter over you at times, but I am in love with you. You've got to believe me when I say this: I never wanted to be and I am in love with you."

And then she kissed his cheek and he didn't stop her from walking away.

Saying goodbye was hard, so she said nothing at all.

_And no, oh, how could you do it?_

_Oh, I, I never saw it coming,_

_No, oh, I need an ending, so why can't you stay just long enough to explain?_

**XXXXXXXXXX**

She woke up with a _thud _in her head and an _ache _in her chest. The pains were supposed to be getting better, but they weren't. She was gasping for breath as she sat up with a sudden quickness, her hand on her heart as if it could stop the wild beating.

Another nightmare.

It was late, late at night. Tomorrow was a Saturday. Tomorrow was the day she showed her face to him again. He'd told her to stay with him and she wouldn't break her promise to him for anything. And tomorrow was also the day she'd see him again for the first time in three days. She'd been gone for weeks away from him time before, but this time, going back would inflict even more pain. Going back would bring her down, as if she wasn't already down enough.

She wasn't going to be getting any more sleep anytime soon. Her grief was starting to creep into her senses, and fuck, it was starting to live there. It was late at night, so late at night.

She tasted her tears before she realized she was crying. She kept her sobs to a minimum, careful not to wake Souta or Jii-chan or Mama. It was so late at night and all she could do was curl herself up into a ball, wet her pillow with pain that had been kept inside far too long. Her whole room was starting to smell of Inuyasha, and it was late at night, so late at night.

The scent was bittersweet to her nose. The sweet olfactory of fresh rain, trees, and all man.

She cried. It was so, so late at night and she didn't want to see the sun anymore.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

It was a bright, _sunny_ day in the Feudal Era. She moved even if she didn't want to, her situation seeming to weigh her down even more than the yellow back-pack that she carried around.

Inuyasha had waited for her at the well. She didn't bother looking too closely at him, seeing the weary and pain in his eyes would bring her mood down even more if that was possible. But as she had promised him, she'd came back and she always would until this story was over. But she knew without a doubt it would go on and on until she disappeared.

Inuyasha was seething, hot, and cranky. In fact, they all were. She carried the worried kitsune who had been so scared that this time, she wouldn't come back. But she did. They were all so sure she wouldn't come back. So when all of them saw her standing there with a perfectly made up fake smile on her face, they all ran to shower her in hugs, asking how she was doing, telling her over and over again that they were so happy she was back.

She hadn't said a word to Inuyasha all day, just as he hadn't said a word to her, but she saw the way he'd been glancing at her occasionally throughout the day. She should have felt selfish, she should have felt stupid, she should have felt sad. And she was sad. She was so fucking sad, in fact, that she was numb to any other emotion. So as the day carried on, she realized that even the skies had more emotion than her. Even the birds in the trees had something to sing about; and her? She couldn't feel anything.

Inuyasha was getting crankier by the second as the sun set, as the stars came to shine upon all of them. He complained whenever she stopped to catch her breath, but it wasn't direct, no. He didn't dare look at her in the face. He couldn't. She should be depressed, but wasn't depression almost the exact same thing as numbness? How did you get this lonely? How did things change this quickly?

Shippo was being unusually quiet. Sango had told Inuyasha that they should stop, that they should set up camp. Miroku had agreed, and Inuyasha had grumbled on, complaining about how weak humans were. Funny how he had loved a human. It wasn't once upon a time, either. He still loved Kikyo like Kagome loved him. He'd wish on all the stars for her, he'd die a million times in one single day for her, he'd weep and mourn over her.

She couldn't bear to look at him. As a matter of fact, she couldn't bear being here knowing that it hurt him even more. The few times that he had glanced her way, there was so much pain in his eyes that she couldn't even call it pain. It was something much more dangerous than that.

In the end, the complaining of Sango, Miroku, and Shippo won the half-demon over. The stars were out, and the night was warm. Inuyasha had stalked off, still grumbling and complaining.

"You know," Sango started, a slightly sad smile on her face as she looked at Kagome, speaking directly to her. "we should go to the hot springs. It's a nice, pretty night, and I think I could use a bath. Huh, Kagome? What do you say?"

She agreed, eager to get away from all the eyes on her, testing her to see if she would fall to her knees breaking down anytime soon.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

She finally felt at peace, her cheeks flushing from the warmth the spring provided. The night was quiet and calm, and for the first time in weeks, she felt…weightless. Sango was next to her, her lips parting for a sigh.

"Kagome," she started, interrupting the quietness. "You're alright, aren't you?" She let out another sigh, running her fingers through her wet hair. "I've noticed. I know everyone else has, too. Shippo's been quiet and Miroku's been quiet, too, that look of concern in his eyes. And Inuyasha…listen, I know you're worried about him. I know you are. But you can't leave. You're all we have. You're all _he _has."

That horrible ache came back to her chest and she sighed quietly. A minute of silence passed by before she replied. "I'm fine. I made a promise to him. I won't leave him. I won't leave you guys. You all mean so much to me, you know."

Sango nodded in understanding, and another moment of silence passed by, and little did they know, someone was watching from afar. "I think you should talk to him. Don't think I haven't seen those weird little glances he's been giving you all day. Did something happen between you two? You know, something…bad? You left for three days without saying a word to anyone. We were all so worried. He needs you, and I was so scared you weren't gonna come back…Inuyasha wasn't even sleeping. He wasn't eating. He couldn't focus. He's useless in fight when you're away. I don't know what it is, but you give him strength."

Kagome suddenly wrapped her arms around her chest, wishing she could stop the horrible ache. She was uncomfortable as Sango told her all of these things. "I told him I loved him the day I left. I felt as if he needed to be reminded that someone loved him when he felt like his whole world was ending. It was selfish of me, and I guess that some things are never supposed to be known," Kagome told her quietly, looking away. "I mean, he loved her. He really loved her. I was selfish. I was wishing that he felt the same. I thought about throwing the jewel shards in his face, but what kind of friend would that make me? Inuyasha needs someone, and I hope that one day, he finds a girl that he loves just as much as he loves her. I won't leave though, Sango. I'm ready to finish these jewel shards, I'm ready to see Inuyasha get his revenge. I'm ready to see him happy, even if that means he won't have to see my face anymore. I'm just a reincarnation, I'm just a reminder of a love that was lost. And I can't deal with that anymore."

"Kagome-" Sango started, but Kagome cut her off, sure that no one could prove her wrong.

"I need to get out of this place," she interrupted. "I told him I don't belong here. Once I finish what I have to do in this time, I'm going back to my own forever. I think it's time to move on. I need to be happy. I want to finish school, I want to get into a nice college, I want to be successful. I want to marry a man that actually loves me as much as I love him, I want to have kids, have a nice house, have a nice life. There's nothing here for me. There's _nothing_."

"Kagome," Sango sighed. "Don't say those things. There's so much here for you. You have friends that have became your family, and we all love you. You have Inuyasha, and he loves you even if you don't see it. You've got a kitsune who thinks the sun rises and sets in you, and he looks up to you. You're his mother, Kagome. You're everything to us. Sure, things may be pretty nice back in your time, but what about us? You're everything to us. Don't you dare forget that."

"You know, if you say you love someone so many times and it does no good, it starts to sound like you're saying nothing at all. That's why I can't stay here anymore." Kagome finished.

She needed sleep. In sleep, she didn't feel as lonely. She didn't feel much of an ache. So she left Sango there with her mouth agape, her heart breaking. She knew damn well that when she woke up tomorrow to the smell of him and to the reminder of how worthless life seemed, the pain would hit her full force and she wouldn't be able to do a damn thing about it.

**XXXXXXXXXX**

She couldn't sleep, dammit. Every single time she tried, she saw Kikyo's bloodied figure, she saw Inuyasha's trembling hands. She felt the sky collapse around her. She saw the tears roll carelessly down his strong face, she heard him bellow to the sky, vowing to kill Naraku. She couldn't sleep because she felt what he felt.

He still wasn't back and she was worried, but she knew he'd come back. Shippo was sound asleep in her arms, Sango and Miroku, too, the crackling fire showing their serene, undisturbed faces. Funny how they were so at peace while she was at war within herself. Funny how they awoke to a bright day, and she had been awakening to hot, fresh tears rolling down her face. The dreams haunted her like shadows and they made her feel everything. Inuyasha's absence intensified the ache.

Carefully untangling Shippo's arms from around her finger, she quietly stood, looking at them all one last time, a sad smile on her face as she wiped away shed tears. How she would hate to leave them. She was lucky to have them all.

She was silent as a shadow as she walked off to a near-by stream, sitting down and trying to calm her beating heart. She knew she had been whimpering in her sleep. Hopefully no one had heard. She wished the pain was over with. She took the bottle of shards from around her neck, and they twinkled under the moonlight. They frightened her. They seemed to have more power and cause more trouble than the whole shard. Tears were falling again as she thought about the ones who meant the most to her.

She wished for the beauty and grace of Kikyo. She wished for the love that Inuyasha had for her and only her. She wished for the strength of Sango. She wished for the wisdom of Miroku. For the braveness of Inuyasha. God, she envied the ones she loved. She was nothing compared to them.

She moved to wipe away more of the tears that had silently fell, but she froze when she heard a branch crack underneath someone's foot behind her. And it all came back to her and she closed her eyes, the shards tight in her hand.

"Damn stupid wench," the words were like a stab to the heart, but they were nothing new. And he was nothing new and no one different. "Fuck are you doing out here at this time of night? You know, a demon could easily kill you. I've told you a million times about sneaking off in the night like this, Kagome."

If he was to be a demon or something else to her, she was sure she wouldn't have even felt panic. She was so numb that it was hard to feel anything. More tears gushed down her face; she didn't bother wiping them away.

He took a seat on the patch of grass next to her, looking at her intensely. But she refused to look back. Everything was so silent and suddenly, she could sense his tenseness. She shut her eyes tight. '_Oh, Inuyasha, you're making it all worse_.'

"I wanted some time to think. Everyone deserves a little time to themselves. It's a nice night, and I couldn't sleep at all. Plus, I brought my bows and arrows, just in case. I'm very capable of taking care of myself, Inuyasha." She told him, rolling her eyes before standing up, dusting off her clothes.

He abruptly stood, too, following her as she walked fast to get away from him. "Why are you crying, wench?"

Kagome shook her head, trying to block him out as she continued to walk away. He snarled and grabbed her arm, turning her around to look at him. Was this what he wanted? Did he want to see how broken she was because of him? Well, she was on full display now. She was on display to a soul that was still breaking and she wasn't hiding anything because she was _tired_.

"I just wanna go home, that's all. I'm tired, Yasha. So _tired_."

Before she knew it, she was being shoved harshly against the rough bark of the tree, Inuyasha's face in hers, his fangs showing as he snarled and dug his claws into her flesh and for a second, complete fear overtook her. Had he finally gone crazy? Had he finally lost his mind?

"Bitch," he growled lowly into her ear. "Don't play dumb. You left for three fucking days. You've ignored me _all fucking day_. I heard you with Sango in the springs. I heard everything. So you need to leave?" his voice dropped to a mere whisper, his hot breath in her ear sending chills down her back, making her entire being freeze and making her eyes widen in lust and desire; but the most conflicting feelings she was dealing with at the moment were fear and definite pain. She was emotionally unstable as fuck, so was he. So she narrowed her eyes when tears began fogging her vision and fought to tear herself away, Inuyasha pinned her there, though, his body heavy against hers. She was so _tired_. "There's nothing here for you? So you've tired of me? And you've tired of the kitsune and the monk and the slayer? You _promised_, Kagome, you promised to stay by my side no matter what."

He pulled away from her quickly as if he'd been burnt, leaving Kagome panting for air. He was panting, too, his eyes wide on her. "You promised." He told her.

"You- you _jerk_! You were spying on us the entire time!" Kagome declared, taking a few steps back from him as a single tear rolled down her cheek, her hands shaking at her sides.

He stepped towards her. "You _promised_."

"And I can't keep that promise anymore," Kagome hissed out venomously, ferociously wiping away the tear. She'd been crying for weeks and it was time to stop. "I can't stay forever. Never that. I've got a life _too_, Inuyasha! I've got school and I've got a lot of planning to do. Fuck, I'm _seventeen_! I'm supposed to be out on dates instead! I'm supposed to be making new friends and losing old ones, not risking my life every single day! I'm supposed to be driving soon. I'm supposed to be making decisions about my _future_, and how can I do that when I'm living in the past? Inuyasha, I'm supposed to be _happy_ and I'm _not_. What else is here for me when this is all said and done? There's nothing. _Nothing_!"

"Fucking bitch," she was being slammed into the rough bark again, this time much harder, this time Inuyasha's claws drawing blood. She let out a yelp, her knees going weak; she couldn't fight him off. He was hurting her. Tears fell and she didn't bother to stop them. "How the fuck could you say that, Kagome? How could you…" he faltered for a bit, his cheeks burning red and his voice dipping low. "How could you say that after you _kissed _me, after you told me how you _felt_? How _dare _you say there's nothing here for you, huh, Kagome?"

"Bullshit," she replied, glaring at him. "You only need me for the shards. Sure, if I would have been this eager to leave before, you would have dragged my ass back whether I was kicking and screaming or not. But you know, if I was _really _eager back then, you could've let me go 'cause you knew you always had _her _to run back to! Fuck, Yash, you couldn't even say it _back_!"

_Take these chances to turn it around,_

_Take these chances, we'll make it somehow,_

_And take these chances to turn it around, just turn it around._

"Once I'm gone, it won't matter. It won't matter, Inuyasha. We'll be done here soon. You won't even have to look at my face anymore, you never even loved me, so you probably won't dream about me unless the whole dream is composed of Kikyo, and I'm in it because her death was partly my fault. And you'll hate me forever and ever when I'm gone, and you'll wonder where the day we called each other _friends_ faded away to. And I'll keep happy and healthy, strong and calm. And I'll find someone who loves me back. But for the rest of my life I'll wonder why _me_, Kagome Higurashi, had so much love to give away; and for the rest of my life, I'll wonder why people took and took that love until in the end, there was nothing left for me." She told him, closing her eyes tightly. He was still so close and she couldn't handle looking at him like this. She didn't want to do something stupid again like kiss him. Her words were bruising enough, she was sure. And she was sure he knew she was selfish by now, so incredibly selfish.

"Wench," Inuyasha started softly, his hold on her loosening considerably.

'_Make him _hate _you. He doesn't need you.'_

"That thing I told Sango about love, it was about you. It seems like I've showed you over and over again and you just don't get it, you just don't accept it. Mama made me test out this theory. She told me the best way to know how something came together was to watch as it fell apart. Perfect timing to finally figure out what you're made of, huh? Perfect timing to see if I could understand why you are the way you are, Inuyasha. I'm the future. You're the past that keeps repeating itself over and over again. You're stuck in this idea of what could make you happy, and you want it so bad that you don't want to give other things a try that could possibly make you happy. You and Kikyo could never be friends. She's dead but she goes on and on and on as you do, but she goes on and on and on inside of your _heart_ and she will haunt you for days to come not only with her love for you, but with her hate, too. And you know what? You'll both be in love 'till it kills all you've got left. You'll both be in love 'till the end. You two will hate each other until it makes you quiver, but you could _never _be friends."

Time stopped for a second, and his eyes were wide on hers. And then they narrowed, and she whimpered as his claws sank deep into her ivory skin. Tears stung at the corners of her eyes, and she automatically wanted to take her words back. But you know what? It was much easier being a dick to him rather than admitting that she loved him so much that it hurt every single part of her body. It was much easier wanting to ignore him rather than being around him because she simply adored him.

Tetsusaiga must have been working overtime to keep him from becoming full demon.

She cried out, tears slipping. He broke away from her again, eyes wide again and she immediately grasped the spot where his claws had dug into her skin, and pulled her hand away to find it covered in blood. _Her _blood. He was looking at his hands, too, and he was shaking.

Her voice trembled, but she used it anyway. "Will you let me leave, now? I don't want to hurt you anymore."

"Kagome," he whispered quietly. "Fuck, I'm sorry," he told her, eyes still wide as he moved forward and gently grasped her arm. "Fuck, fuck, fuck," sorry meant a lot to her at the moment because she couldn't also hear it in his voice, but she could see it in his eyes. "I…I didn't mean to. Fuck, sorry."

"It's fine," she told him, quietly jerking her arm away from his grasp to examine what he'd done to her. It wasn't too bad, it didn't even hurt. Just a few scratch marks and not so serious puncture wounds. She'd seen more blood spilled on his hands. She'd felt more pain. Physical pain was _nothing_ compared to emotional pain. "I'm alright, and I accept your apology. You didn't mean to. I shouldn't have been running my mouth."

She once heard that running away from your problems got you nowhere. At least that's what her dad used to tell her when she was a kid. But she ignored that cliché, beginning to walk away from him and away from all the pain he had caused her.

His hand was on her shoulder, and he twisted her around to meet his eyes. She growled openly as she waited for him to say something, to say anything so she could have one more reason to leave this place and never look back. "D-did you really mean what you said in the springs, Kagome? D-does it really feel like you're saying nothing at all?" he gulped, eyes wide as hers softened, which was something that wasn't intended. Her plan was to stay mad as hell with him so it wouldn't hurt like a bitch when she wasn't anymore. But it hurt like a bitch _all the time_. "Fuck, Kagome, leaving forever? Is that how much I mean to you? Am I something to be tossed away? Am I someone you helped all along, but secretly couldn't stand? Is that why you're leaving?"

She was quiet for quite a while, thinking. Inuyasha was looking at her expectantly, biting his lip and his eyes shining; it was all surprising. "I'm leaving because I love you. And you know that. I'm leaving because it's not fair to you and it's not fair to Kikyo. I fell in love, and all things that fall are broken; and I wish it was easier, Inuyasha. I wish things weren't like this, but I can't change them, you know? Loving you is so selfish and it's so wrong and if I say it, it means nothing at all because _you'll never be able to say it back_."

"Kagome…I…" Inuyasha started, a determined look suddenly set in his eyes.

"Say it," Kagome went on, already knowing the answer.

It took a whole two minutes of heartbreaking silence before he could say _anything_. She was selfish to encourage him to tell a mere lie, and her whole world collapsed around her as she stood there, fists balled to her sides and fresh, hot tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Dammit," he said as she started to walk away, keeping heaps of emotion inside of her. "Don't walk away," he nearly fell to his knees. "You can't leave me. You said you'd _stay_, wench. You promised you'd stay by my side. Are you an idiot, Kagome? I can't fucking say it, no, I could hardly ever say it to Kikyo! I wasn't that strong! I wasn't as strong as her and I'm _not _as strong as _you_, dammit, but I know what I feel! You know what words are, wench? They're _nothing_!"

She shook her head, still trying to walk away from him. Too much pain….

"Fuck," he tried again, jerking her arm back to him and suddenly in her face, snarling again and being the boy he knew how to be. "Kouga, that rotten fucking bastard, do you know how many times it's been, Kagome? How many fucking times he shouted out all the proclamations and exclamations of love for you, but who saved your ass over a million times? He was fucking gone before any demon could at _least _try to take one hit! Who nearly died for your ass over a million times?" He was panting now and her eyes were wide, but she narrowed them and shook her head and suddenly he pounced on her, his body towering over hers.

_No, how could you do it?_

_Oh I, I never saw it coming._

_No, oh, how could you do it?_

_Oh I, I never saw it coming._

_No, oh, how could you do it?_

_Oh I, I never saw it coming._

_No, oh I need an ending._

_So why can't you stay_

_Just long enough to explain?_

"Who was there first? Who waits by the well pacing every godforsaken time you're gone, Kagome, huh? Whose fucking heart did you steal from the first moment you unsealed me from Goshinboku? Kagome, please, please don't do this. You want happiness? I can give you that, just give me time to get over her. It won't be easy, but I _respected _her, and tell me, how do you love without trusting? Respect doesn't mean trust. Finishing school? Sure, I can deal with that as long as you bring your ass right back here to me where you belong. College? No. You can't leave me alone that long. Marry a man that loves you as much as you love him? It's too hard to say but I show you every single day," he took an astonished Kagome's hand, pulled it to where the old wounds rested. "Do you feel that scar, Kagome? Do you feel _these _scars? They're for you. They're reminders of how much I care about you, wench. Words aren't everything. Words are absolute bullshit. I could say I love you so many times a day, but what would that mean if I wasn't showing you, bitch? You want kids? Perfect, I want them too when you're ready, _if _you're ready because they'll be beautiful even though I've never been very fond of how _I _looked, even though I've never been fond of these ears our pups would inherit. You want a nice house, Kagome? I'd build you a hut on the fucking clouds if that's what I'd have to do to make you stay. I'd live in your time with the weird sounds, the weird smells, and the weird humans if that would be good enough for you. A nice life? Tell me, what is a nice life without me? What is a nice life for me without _you_?"

She shook her head in disbelief at all the things he said, suddenly believing it was too good to be true.

"It won't go away, Kagome, so don't you dare think of leaving me," he drew her into his arms tightly, "Do you smell my scent? It won't go away. It's all over you, that's where it belongs. Do you see me standing here, about to fall to pieces if you leave? You'll never forget me. I'll live in your heart, just as you _thought _Kikyo would live in mine. And I'll live forever. You need me, just as I need you. We'll fall apart without each other, silly girl." Emotion made his voice gruff and rough and harsh, but he meant every single word. "If it helps, I love you. If it makes you stay, I love love love you."

He said it three times, which was two more than it was supposed to be. But she cried, wrapping her arms tight around him and no longer feeling invisible or selfish.

She said it back, regretted saying that she thought it wouldn't sound like anything at all. His "I love you," was music to his ears, just as hers was to him.

All they could do was take their time.

_You can take your time, take my time. _

**A/N: I've had this shit sitting around on my computer since June, and being as bored as I was, I opened it and looked at it and absolutely fell in love with the beginning, so I decided to finish it. It's a lot longer than I expected. I got lazy towards the end, and I wasn't putting as much effort into it because I desperately needed to finish this and post it up and see what you all thought of it.**_  
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**I need to be working on All I Need, but sometimes I get these little hints of inspirations and I really need to write, or else I could be missing out on something incredible. I haven't even started chapter 23 for All I Need, so I have a lot of work to do. I also have this new story I've been writing and meaning to make, and I'm also working on chapter 5 for The Real Her. I'll try to get to you guys as soon as possible.  
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**Anyway, I hoped you enjoyed this little piece of inspiration. If you liked it, fuck, even if you hated it, REVIEW!  
**


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